Her doll hustle

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I'm Changing

I think I'm obsessed with love. I mean if someone says they don't care to love someone else or be loved I really think they are lying. I love the fact of knowing that all while I'm not with my significant other, they are thinking of me if not as much then more than I am thinking of them. Someone who thinks of their future and always sees you their in it with them. Good times and bad, broke or paid, sunshine or rain. I feel like that's love when all you need is that person at the end of the day and nothing else matters except what the two of you plan on doing tomorrow. That seems like the shit to me. Not I'm not 100% sure if I'm just growing and thinking differently or if I'm just feeling this person alot more than normal, but my views on alot of things before are slowly changing. Maybe a few months ago the single like looked like the shit, but for some reason now it looks grim to me. I cannot wait to have a family full of love and only built on that shit. I've played a Sunday for my family (to come) in my head a million times. I guess it isn't the new guy in my life but whatever the case be I so want to give a child or 2 or 3, the love and attention my mom, grandparents, dad, and step dad had given me. Honestly What's a better thing you can give someone? I recently spent time with my new friend and his grandparents and I became so depressingly envious that I wanted to cry at meeting them cause I missed the love I recieved from my own.( they both passed already) I was instantly drawn to him && them for that matter but now I'm scared the feelin isn't mutual. It would only be fair for the amount of guys I was not in love with who loved me, but ofcourse I am in high hopes that the dice don't roll that way. I've always gotten to know alot of guys for who they were never how they seemed, looked, or what they had. This time I've met a looker lol who seems to be my match on almost every level and it's so unstable I question myself repeatedly on if && how much he really likes me. I'm already beginning to lay my happiness in him because my day is ruined when he doesn't call and he makes a rainy day seem like paradise weather when I spend time with him. I'm terrified cause I don't feel he feels the exactly the same and I do not know how to handle the situation at all...I guess I'm just changing and I hope only good things come from it and it's all for the better...